It's getting real late I just got home from work
And so I stumble to bed for a late night jerk
I've got a box of Kleenex and I'm ready to go
Got my laptop charged for an hour of videos
My bosses suck and I hate my job
And all my friends think I'm just a drunken slob
And so I drift away to naughty fantasies
I've got a candle lit date with little ol' me oh yeah.
And when I feel that pressure building
Bursting through the seams
I'll turn my head and think to myself
As I I slowly breathe
I love myself
And when it's all said and done I'm kind of feeling sick
I can't believe I spent an hour looking at these chicks
They're not as attractive as I thought they were
My intentions have become just a desperate blur
And now I'm sitting in bed wondering where I went wrong
It must have been that video with the grandma in a thong
I drift away to guilty fantasies
There goes my sad little date with pervy ol' me oh yeah.
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